A collection of great and Funny Thanksgiving quotes and sayings

A collection of great and Funny Thanksgiving quotes and sayings

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Here are some funny Thanksgiving quotes to give you,enjoy our famous funny thanksgiving quotes and sayings for facebook,for a smile,and for kids,enjoy!


“After Thanksgiving dinner men fall asleep because they’re full of turkey; women fall asleep because they’re exhausted. ” — Melanie White,funny thanksgiving quotes


“An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day. ” — Irv Kupcinet,funny thanksgiving quotes


“Every Thanksgiving I think about how much Pilgrims had to sacrifice just so we could have a day off work. ” — Melanie White,funny thanksgiving quotes


“Every Thanksgiving I’m thankful I decided to wait until New Years to start my diet.  ” — Melanie White,funny thanksgiving quotes


“For those of you who cannot be with family this Thanksgiving, please resist the urge to brag. ” — Andy Borowitz,funny thanksgiving quotes


“Hello Butterball help line? They're gonna shove me in the oven! GET ME OUT OF HERE. Yes I'll hold. ” — Mike Vanatta,funny thanksgiving quotes


“How to cut a turkey the Republican way: give 1% of your guests 99% of the meat. ” — Andy Borowitz,funny thanksgiving quotes


“I don’t eat pumpkin pie. It’s made from the guts of jack-o-lanterns, and that’s just spooky. ” — Melanie White,funny thanksgiving quotes


“I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. It's a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving. ” — Craig Ferguson,funny thanksgiving quotes


“If you want to save a species, simply decide to eat it. Then it will be managed, like chickens, like turkeys, like deer, like Canadian geese. ” — Ted Nugent,funny thanksgiving quotes


“It's not the minutes spent at the table that put on weight, it's the seconds.  ”— Anon,funny thanksgiving quotes


“Mom’s Thanksgiving diet tip: Don’t be a turkey and eat like such a pig. ” — Anonymous,funny thanksgiving quotes


“My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. ” — Phyllis Diller,funny thanksgiving quotes


“Old people shouldn't eat health foods.  They need all the preservatives they can get. ” — Robert Orben,funny thanksgiving quotes


“OMG, I gave thanks for everything yesterday, but it was the WRONG DAY. ” — Steve Martin,funny thanksgiving quotes


“Somehow, I feel that the spirit of Thanksgiving is at odds with beating someone up for a new flat screen on Black Friday. ” — Andy Borowitz,funny thanksgiving quotes


“Thanksgiving – when the people who are the most thankful are the ones who didn’t have to cook.  ”— Melanie White,funny thanksgiving quotes


“Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings, one by one, as each relative goes home. ” — Melanie White,funny thanksgiving quotes


“Thanksgiving is America's national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty. ” — Michael Dresser,funny thanksgiving quotes


“Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday.  People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year.  And then discover once a year is way too often. ” — Johnny Carson,funny thanksgiving quotes


“Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape … to play Santa Claus. ” — Melanie White,funny thanksgiving quotes


“The lesson of Thanksgiving is you should avoid meeting new people because they’ll just end up slaughtering your entire population. ” — Bryan Donaldson,funny thanksgiving quotes


“The perfect way to get back at a man for forgetting Valentine’s Day is to forget to cook Thanksgiving dinner. ” — Melanie White,funny thanksgiving quotes


“The Pilgrims had amazing foresight to invent Thanksgiving and football on the same day.  ”— Greg Tamblyn,funny thanksgiving quotes


“The turkey gobbles till it’s killed, then we gobble till we’re filled. ” — Greg Tamblyn,funny thanksgiving quotes


“There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing. ” — Oscar Wilde,funny thanksgiving quotes


“To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone. ” — Reba McEntire,funny thanksgiving quotes


“Turkey farmers look forward to Thanksgiving almost as much as the manufacturers of Rolaids.  ”— Melanie White,funny thanksgiving quotes


“We should look for someone to eat and drink with before looking for something to eat and drink.  ”— Epicurus,funny thanksgiving quotes


“We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving.  Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan.  You get more stuffing. ”— George Carlin,funny thanksgiving quotes


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