80 Sarcastic and Ironic Quotes for love,life,friends,relationship with images

What are some of the best sarcastic quotations? Here is a collection of inspirational ironic quotes about life,love,friends,relationships.

1.
"A good listener is usually thinking about something else." – Kin Hubbard

2.
"A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.",ironic quotes

3.
"A new year is like a clean slate, just waiting for somebody to run their fingernails across it."

4.
"Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse" – Groucho Marx

5.
"Anyone who told you that you should be yourself gave you the worst advice you've ever received."

6.
"As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' — probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on." – Woody Allen

7.
"At my last job interview, I told my interviewer that I plan to give 110%. Unfortunately; I was applying to be a statistician."

8.
"Being an adult is the dumbest thing I have ever done.",ironic quotes

9.
"Boy do I feel silly. I was driving down the two way street of friendship, when I realized all this time it was a one way street."

10.
"Children really brighten up a household – they never turn the lights off." – Ralph Bus

11.
"Do you realize that you just wasted a minute of your time reading this and that you will never get that minute back in your life? Sucks, doesn’t it?"

12.
"Dont underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers",ironic quotes

13.
"Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don’t know."

14.
"From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."

15.
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family, in another city" – George Burns.

16.
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." – Winston Churchill

17.
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." – William Faulkner

18.
"He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot." – Groucho Marx

19.
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination." – Andrew Lang

20.
"He was happily married – but his wife wasn't." – Victor Borge

21.
"Hm-mm never say never? Sorry, but you just said it twice",ironic quotes

22.
"Honesty is the best policy …. when there is money in it." – Mark Twain

23.
"How can you find a blind man at a nudist camp? It’s not hard.",ironic quotes

24.
"How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes,but the best moments in life are spent without clothes."

25.
"Humor is everywhere,in that there's irony in just about anything a human does.",ironic quotes

26.
"I always refuse to cut corners. Which is why I lost my job in carpentry.",ironic quotes

27.
"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific." – Lily Tomlin

28.
"I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you don't like?" – Jean Cocteau

29.
"I can resist everything except temptation." – Oscar Wilde

30.
"I could dance with you till the cows come home…But I would rather dance with the cows till you come home."

31.
"I don’t know what I’d do without you…I might come out of my shell, have confidence and a life!!"

32.
"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here." – Stephen Bishop

33.
"I had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it." – Groucho Marx

34.
"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me." – Fred Allen

35.
"I love bookmarks. The are my favorites.",ironic quotes

36.
"I may not be right, but I can sure sound like it!!",ironic quotes

37.
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception." – Groucho Marx

38.
"I’ve decided not to be pessimistic. It wouldn’t work anyway.",ironic quotes

39.
"If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher."

40.
"If you are cooler than me,would that make me hotter than you?",ironic quotes

41.
"If you become a mother, can I have one of the puppies." – Charles Pierce

42.
"If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you." – Gorucho Marx

43.
"If you have a problem with me then get out your calculator and solve it.."

44.
"If you think nobody cares if you're alive,try missing a couple of car payments.",ironic quotes

45.
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." – Charles

46.
"Irony is a clear consciousness of an eternal agility, of the infinitely abundant chaos. "

47.
"Irony is the gaiety of reflection and the joy of wisdom." – Anatole France

48.
"It is an ironic habit of human beings to run faster when we have lost our way. " – Rollo May

49.
"It's ironic,how the people who say:"I'm going to be here for you" are also the ones who walk away first."

50.
"It's so ironic – when you finally achieve recognition, you hide behind dark glasses." – Madhuri Dixit

51.
"It's so ironic that life is all about love, yet we live most of it either searching, never finding, or messing it up." – Behdad Sami

52.
"Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you'll find a brain back there.",ironic quotes

53.
"Life is hard. Its even harder if youre stupid.",ironic quotes

54.
"Life is too ironic to fully understand.It takes sadness to know what happiness is,Noise to appreciate silence & absense to value presence."

55.
"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?" – Groucho Marx

56.
"My brothers still confused after I asked him if he’s heard that new thing they’re not telling gay people."

57.
"My neighbour knocked on my door at 2.30am this morning, can you believe that 2.30am? Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums."

58.
"My New Year’s resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall. And I plan on sticking to it."

59.
"My physics teacher told me I had a lot of potential.Then he pushed me off a roof."

60.
"Of course I’m a smart ass; it’s so dumb asses like you have someone to look up to!"

61.
"People always miss you more when they see how much happier you are without them."

62.
"People who copy and paste jokes from facebook are idiots..",ironic quotes

63.
"Reader, suppose you were an idiot.And suppose you were a member of congress. But, I repeat myself." – Mark Twain

64.
"She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon" – Groucho Marx

65.
"She is a peacock in everything but beauty" – Oscar Wilde

66.
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go." – Oscar Wilde

67.
"Some people create their own storms,then get upset when it rains.",ironic quotes

68.
"Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.”,ironic quotes

69.
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." – Moses Hadas

70.
"The early bird may get the worm, but it's the second mouse who gets the cheese." – Steven Wright

71.
"The grass is always greener on the other side” is directly proportional to the amount of bullshit you will find there!!!"

72.
"The greatest way to live with honor in this world is to be what we pretend to be. " – Socrates

73.
"Thought about getting a tattoo of a short fat woman on my boob so when I am 60 one of us will be tall and skinny!!!"

74.
"We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience" – George Bernard Shaw.

75.
"We’re friends. That means when you smile, I smile.You’re sad, I’m sad.You laugh, I laugh.You hurt, I hurt.You need money…go to a bank, I’m broke!"

76.
"What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement?" – Fred Allen

77.
"When one door closes,another opens. Or you can open the closed door. That's how doors work.",ironic quotes

78.
"Whoever said nothing was impossible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door."

79.
"With great power, comes a great electric bill.",ironic quotes

80.
"You think your phone is fast? Wait till you see mine… flying towards your FACE!"