80 Sarcastic and Ironic Quotes for love,life,friends,relationship with images
What are some of the best sarcastic quotations? Here is a collection of inspirational ironic quotes about life,love,friends,relationships.
1.
"A good listener is usually thinking about something else." – Kin Hubbard
2.
"A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.",ironic quotes
3.
"A new year is like a clean slate, just waiting for somebody to run their fingernails across it."
4.
"Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse" – Groucho Marx
5.
"Anyone who told you that you should be yourself gave you the worst advice you've ever received."
6.
"As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' — probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on." – Woody Allen
7.
"At my last job interview, I told my interviewer that I plan to give 110%. Unfortunately; I was applying to be a statistician."
8.
"Being an adult is the dumbest thing I have ever done.",ironic quotes
9.
"Boy do I feel silly. I was driving down the two way street of friendship, when I realized all this time it was a one way street."
10.
"Children really brighten up a household – they never turn the lights off." – Ralph Bus
11.
"Do you realize that you just wasted a minute of your time reading this and that you will never get that minute back in your life? Sucks, doesn’t it?"
12.
"Dont underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers",ironic quotes
13.
"Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, write on walls, and get poked by people you don’t know."
14.
"From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."
15.
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family, in another city" – George Burns.
16.
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." – Winston Churchill
17.
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." – William Faulkner
18.
"He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot." – Groucho Marx
19.
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination." – Andrew Lang
20.
"He was happily married – but his wife wasn't." – Victor Borge
21.
"Hm-mm never say never? Sorry, but you just said it twice",ironic quotes
22.
"Honesty is the best policy …. when there is money in it." – Mark Twain
23.
"How can you find a blind man at a nudist camp? It’s not hard.",ironic quotes
24.
"How ironic is life. We spend so much money on expensive clothes,but the best moments in life are spent without clothes."
25.
"Humor is everywhere,in that there's irony in just about anything a human does.",ironic quotes
26.
"I always refuse to cut corners. Which is why I lost my job in carpentry.",ironic quotes
27.
"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific." – Lily Tomlin
28.
"I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you don't like?" – Jean Cocteau
29.
"I can resist everything except temptation." – Oscar Wilde
30.
"I could dance with you till the cows come home…But I would rather dance with the cows till you come home."
31.
"I don’t know what I’d do without you…I might come out of my shell, have confidence and a life!!"
32.
"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here." – Stephen Bishop
33.
"I had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it." – Groucho Marx
34.
"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me." – Fred Allen
35.
"I love bookmarks. The are my favorites.",ironic quotes
36.
"I may not be right, but I can sure sound like it!!",ironic quotes
37.
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception." – Groucho Marx
38.
"I’ve decided not to be pessimistic. It wouldn’t work anyway.",ironic quotes
39.
"If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher."
40.
"If you are cooler than me,would that make me hotter than you?",ironic quotes
41.
"If you become a mother, can I have one of the puppies." – Charles Pierce
42.
"If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you." – Gorucho Marx
43.
"If you have a problem with me then get out your calculator and solve it.."
44.
"If you think nobody cares if you're alive,try missing a couple of car payments.",ironic quotes
45.
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." – Charles
46.
"Irony is a clear consciousness of an eternal agility, of the infinitely abundant chaos. "
47.
"Irony is the gaiety of reflection and the joy of wisdom." – Anatole France
48.
"It is an ironic habit of human beings to run faster when we have lost our way. " – Rollo May
49.
"It's ironic,how the people who say:"I'm going to be here for you" are also the ones who walk away first."
50.
"It's so ironic – when you finally achieve recognition, you hide behind dark glasses." – Madhuri Dixit
51.
"It's so ironic that life is all about love, yet we live most of it either searching, never finding, or messing it up." – Behdad Sami
52.
"Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you'll find a brain back there.",ironic quotes
53.
"Life is hard. Its even harder if youre stupid.",ironic quotes
54.
"Life is too ironic to fully understand.It takes sadness to know what happiness is,Noise to appreciate silence & absense to value presence."
55.
"Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?" – Groucho Marx
56.
"My brothers still confused after I asked him if he’s heard that new thing they’re not telling gay people."
57.
"My neighbour knocked on my door at 2.30am this morning, can you believe that 2.30am? Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums."
58.
"My New Year’s resolution is to save enough to buy a Velcro wall. And I plan on sticking to it."
59.
"My physics teacher told me I had a lot of potential.Then he pushed me off a roof."
60.
"Of course I’m a smart ass; it’s so dumb asses like you have someone to look up to!"
61.
"People always miss you more when they see how much happier you are without them."
62.
"People who copy and paste jokes from facebook are idiots..",ironic quotes
63.
"Reader, suppose you were an idiot.And suppose you were a member of congress. But, I repeat myself." – Mark Twain
64.
"She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon" – Groucho Marx
65.
"She is a peacock in everything but beauty" – Oscar Wilde
66.
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go." – Oscar Wilde
67.
"Some people create their own storms,then get upset when it rains.",ironic quotes
68.
"Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.”,ironic quotes
69.
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." – Moses Hadas
70.
"The early bird may get the worm, but it's the second mouse who gets the cheese." – Steven Wright
71.
"The grass is always greener on the other side” is directly proportional to the amount of bullshit you will find there!!!"
72.
"The greatest way to live with honor in this world is to be what we pretend to be. " – Socrates
73.
"Thought about getting a tattoo of a short fat woman on my boob so when I am 60 one of us will be tall and skinny!!!"
74.
"We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience" – George Bernard Shaw.
75.
"We’re friends. That means when you smile, I smile.You’re sad, I’m sad.You laugh, I laugh.You hurt, I hurt.You need money…go to a bank, I’m broke!"
76.
"What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement?" – Fred Allen
77.
"When one door closes,another opens. Or you can open the closed door. That's how doors work.",ironic quotes
78.
"Whoever said nothing was impossible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door."
79.
"With great power, comes a great electric bill.",ironic quotes
80.
"You think your phone is fast? Wait till you see mine… flying towards your FACE!"
