Top funny life quotes and sayings Worth Laughing Over

Top funny life quotes and sayings  Worth Laughing Over

Top funny life quotes and sayings  Worth Laughing Over

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“A boat doesn't go forward if each is rowing his own way.”  — African Proverb 


“A city is a large community where people are lonesome together. ”  — Herbert Prochnow 


“A concentrated mind will pierce a rock. ”  — Japanese Saying 


“A cynic is a person searching for an honest man with a stolen lantern.”   — Edgar A. Shoaff 


“A day of worry is more exhausting than a day of work. ”  — Sir John Lubbock 


“A good smile is magic pill that can make you feel good in every circumstances of life. ”  — M Kapoor 


“A happy family is but an earlier heaven. ”  — John Bowring 


“A man is not paid for having a head and hands, but for using them.”   — Elbert Hubbard 


“A smile costs nothing in money, time, or effort but it is literally true that it can be of supreme importance in one's life.”   — Emmet Fox 


“After a bad harvest, sow again. ”  — Seneca 


“Age is a high price to pay for maturity. ”  — Tom Stoppard 


“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.”   — Mark Twain 


“An old dog can learn new tricks. If your enthusiasm has lost its vitality, do everything possible to revive it.”   — Don McArt


“Anything you lose automatically doubles in value.”   — Mignon McLaughlin


“Anytime you see somebody more successful than you are, they are doing something you aren't.”   — Malcolm X 


“As you grow older, you'll find that the only things you regret are the things you didn't do. ”  — Zachary Scott 


“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.”  — Abraham Lincoln


“Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up.”  — Unknown


“Complain a lot and people will hear you but not listen.”   — Catherine Pulsifer 


“Contentment consisteth not in adding more fuel, but in taking away some fire.”   — Thomas Fuller 


“Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy. ”  — Robert A. Heinlein 


“Do not listen to those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious.”  — Og Mandino 


“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”  — Elbert Hubbard


“Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead.”   — Chinese Proverb 


“Don't carry a grudge. While you're carrying the other guy's out dancing. ”  — Buddy Hackett 


“Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seed that you plant.”   — Robert Louis Stevenson 


“Dream a little and work a lot. ”  — Donald Jackson 


“For some, life is like a river. It becomes overpowering, uncontrollable and sometimes wild.”   — Ravindranath Jayaratne


“Funny, the moment you get someone else worrying, you stop worrying yourself. ”  — Spencer Tracy 


“Given a choice of weapons with you sir, I should choose grammar. ”  — Halliwell Hobbes 


“Goal setting is similar to travelling from point A to point B within a city. If you clearly understand what the goal is, you will definitely reach the destination because you know its address.”   — Thomas Abreu


“God gives nothing to those who keep their arms crossed. ”  — African Proverb 


“God gives the nuts, but he does not crack them. ”  — Proverb 


“Good health and good sense are two of life's greatest blessings. ”  — Publius


“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”   — Gandhi 


“He has a heart of gold – only harder.”   — Adolphe Menjou 


“He who does not hope to win has already lost. ”  — Jose Joaquin de Olmedo 


“He who has a why to live can bear almost any how. ” — Friedrich Nietzsche


“Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you're alive, it isn't.”  — Richard Bach


“Humor is a great way to lighten any atmosphere, and laughing is a surefire way to brighten your outlook. ”  — J Fischer 


“Humor is most powerful thing that uses laughter as it base to chase your blues away.”   — K. Kapoor 


“I don't have a lifestyle. I have a life. ” — Jane Fonda 


“I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.”   — Groucho Marx 


“I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.”  — Alice Roosevelt Longworth


“I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it. ” — Jack Handey


“I must be getting absent-minded. Whenever I complain that things aren't what they used to be, I always forget to include myself.”   — George Burns 


“I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it's not the answer. ” — Jim Carrey


“I think I've discovered the secret of life – you just hang around until you get used to it.”  — Charles Schulz


“I think you can destroy your now by worrying about tomorrow.”   — Janis Joplin 


“I'd like to be rich enough so I could throw soap away after the letters are worn off. ”  — Andy Rooney 


“If I'd known I was gonna live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself. ”  — Eubie Blake


“If you don't understand how a woman could both love her sister dearly and want to wring her neck at the same time, then you were probably an only child.”   — Linda Sunshine 


“If you go to bed at night and think about your day and you haven't laughed very much, then you must jump out of bed and go do something fun.”   — Marlo Morgan

“If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders. ”  — Abigail Van Buren 


“If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.”  — Carl Sagan 


“If you wish to live long you must be willing to grow old. ”  — George Lawton 


“In a child's lunch box are a mother's thoughts.”   — Japanese Proverb 


“In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock.”   — Thomas Jefferson 


“In short luck's always to blame. ”  — Jean de La Fontaine 


“In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular. ”  — Kathy Norris 


“Insults are the arguments used by those who are in the wrong.  ” — Jean Jacques Rousseau 


“Is prayer your steering wheel or your spare tire? ”  — Corrie Ten Boom 


“It ain't nothing to find no starting place in the world. You just start from where you find yourself. ”  — August Wilson 


“It is a funny thing about life you get back what you put into it.”   — Catherine Pulsifer 


“It is certain because it is impossible. ”  — Tertullian 


“It is wonderful how much may be done if we are always doing.”  — Thomas Jefferson 


“It's a funny old life . . . man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.  ” — W. C. Fields 


“It's not the men in my life that counts – it's the life in my men. ” — Mae West 


“It's possible; you can never know that the universe exists only for me. If so, it's sure going well for me, I must admit. ” — Bill Gates


“I've changed my mind. Yeah, does it work any better. ”  — Edward Arnold 


“I've met a lot of hard-boiled eggs in my life, but you – you're 20 minutes.”  — Jan Sterling 


“Judging others makes us blind, whereas love is illuminating. ”  — Dietrich Bonhoeffer 


“Just having knowledge is like having a bunch of things in the attic – sure you'll use it someday but in the meantime it just clogs up space! ”  — Dasrim Hasik 

“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”  — Brian Gerald O’Driscoll


“Laugh as much as you breathe and love as long as you live. ”  — Laughter


“Laughter has no foreign accent. ”  — Paul Lowney 


“Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects.”   — Arnold H. Glasow 


“Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh. ” — George Bernard Shaw


“Life is a continuous adjustment of internal relations to external relations.”   — Herbert Spencer 


“Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it.”  — Christopher Morley


“Life is an error-making and an error-correcting process. ”  — Jonas Salk 


“Life is an onion which one peels crying.”   — French Proverb 


“Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. ” — Woody Allen


“Life is like an onion: You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.”  — Carl Sandburg


“Life is like eating artichokes, you have got to go through so much to get so little.”  — Anthony Trollope 


“Life is not a static thing. The only people who do not change their minds are incompetents in asylums, and those in cemeteries. ”  — Everett McKinley Dirksen

“Life is rather like a tin of sardines – we're all of us looking for the key.”  — Alan Bennett


“Life is so constructed that an event does not, cannot, will not, match the expectation.”  — Charlotte Bronte


“Life is the only game where the object of the game is to figure out what the rules are.”   — Tom Seeley 


“Life… is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast.”  — Douglas Adams


“Life's a tough proposition but the first hundred years are the hardest.”   — Wilson Mizner 


“Live within your harvest.  ” — Persian Saying 


“Long experience has taught me that to be criticized is not always to be wrong. ”  — Anthony Eden 


“Love is like a virus. It can happen to anybody at any time.”   — Maya Angelou 


“Make allowances for your friends' imperfections as readily as you do for your own.”   — H. Jackson Brown, Jr.


“Marriage is forever. It's like cement. ”  — Peter O'Toole 


“May your life be like toilet paper. Long and useful.”   — Old Saying 


“Men will confess to treason, murder, arson, false teeth, or a wig. How many of them will own up to a lack of humor?”   — Frank Moore Colby 


“Misfortune does not come with a bell on its neck.”   — Estonian Saying 


“Money won't buy you happiness; but it keeps you in touch with your children. ”  — Bumper Sticker 


“My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right? ” — Charles Schulz


“Never think you have reached success for when you do then you start the slide down. ”  — Catherine Pulsifer 


“No day should pass without something being done.  ” — Proverbs 


“No man is a good physician who has never been sick. ”  — Proverb 


“Nothing is going to be handed to you. You have to make things happen.  ” — Florence Griffith-Joyner 


“Nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”   — Shakespeare 


“Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.”  — Unknown


“Old people like to give good advice, since they can no longer set bad examples.”   — La Rochefoucauld 


“One generation plants the trees; another gets the shade. ”  — Chinese Proverb 


“Our grand business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand.”   — Thomas Carlyle 


“Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you, but not in one ahead.”  — Bill McGlashen


“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing — that’s why we recommend it daily.”  — Zig Ziglar


“People will sit up and take notice of you if you will sit up and take notice of what makes them sit up and take notice. ”  — Frank Romer 


“Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?”  — Bob Monkhouse


“Problems are opportunities in work clothes. ”  — Henry Kaiser 


“Put your shoulder to the wheel.”   — Aesop 


“Rain is a good reminder of how our attitude can affect everything. Some folks let it destroy their day; others consider it a blessing.”   — Judy Ford 


“Read a lot when you're on vacation, but nothing that has to do with your business.”   — H. Jackson Brown, Jr 


“Readers are plentiful; thinkers are rare. ”  — Harriet Martineau 


“Remember the old adage; you can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.”   — Stan Laurel 


“So, if you feel a smile begin, don't leave it undetected, let's start an epidemic quick, and get the world infected!”  — Russel H. Conwell 


“Start by doing what's necessary, then what's possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible. ”  — St. Francis of Assisi 


“Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go. ”  — William Feather 


“Successful people are the ones who think up things for the rest of the world to keep busy at. ”  — Don Marquis 


“Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you.  Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch it to be sure.”  — Murphy’s Law


“That man is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest.”  — Henry David Thoreau 


“The answers to life's biggest questions are not found on Google.”   — Author Unknown 


“The difficult thing about children is that they come with no instructions. You pretty well have to assemble them on your own.”   — James Dobson 


“The first great gift we can bestow on others is a good example.”   — Thomas Morell 


“The longer they wait, the better they like it. ”  — Marlene Dietrich 


“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”  — Henry David Thoreau


“The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.”  — Erma Bombeck


“The only man who is really free is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.”   — Jules Renard 


“The only things one never regrets are one's mistakes.”   — George Sanders 


“The only time I don't have any problems in this world is when I am already six feet below the ground.”   — James Jason


“The perfect normal person is rare in our civilization.”  — Karen Horney


“The reason why people give up so fast is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, instead of how far they have come. ”  — Nicky Gumbel 


“The secret of not having worries, for me at least, is to have ideas. ”  — Eugene Delacroix 


“The successful know that the road to success is always under construction; they understand the roughness of it and never expected it to be smooth.”   — Hernert O Nobleman


“The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.”   — George Jean Nathan 


“The trouble with the rat race is even if you win, you're still a rat. ”  — Lily Tomlin 


“There are three sides to every story: yours, his and the truth.  ” — Madge Kennedy 


“There is a sense of relief and pleasure in getting something done – a kind of satisfaction not unlike that which a hen enjoys on laying an egg. ”  — H. L. Mencken


“There is no experience better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.”   — John Andrew Holmer 


“There is no strength in numbers when you are wrong. ”  — Author Unknown 


“There never was a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him asleep.”   — Ralph Waldo Emerson 


“Those who do not complain are never pited. ”  — Jane Austen 


“Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once. ”  — Woody Allen 


“Time, indeed, is a sacred gift, and each day is a little life.”   — John Lubbock 


“To be successful, regardless of the field, one needs to be a participant in the field of battle, rather than a spectator.”   — Charles Duncan


“To become truly great, one has to stand with people, not above them. ”  — Charles DeMontesquieu 


“To give alms is nothing unless you give thought also.”   — John Ruskin 


“Too many captains run the ship aground.”   — Greek Proverb 


“Too often we visit the well of divine abundance with a teacup instead of a bucket.”   — Elinor MacDonald 


“Twins are so practical. It's always nice to have a spare. ”  — Billie Burke 


“We all have ability, the difference is how we use it.”   — Stevie Wonder 


“We can see a thousand miracles around us every day. What is more supernatural than an egg yolk turning into a chicken?”   — Rutherford Platt 


“We didn't lose the game, we just ran out of time. ”  — Vince Lombardi 


“We have to learn to be our own best friend, because we fall too easily into the trap of being our worst enemy. ”  — Roderick Thorp 


“We must hang together, or surely we shall hang separately. ”  — Benjamin Franklin 


“We must not allow the clock and the calendar to blind us to the fact that each moment of life is a miracle and mystery.”   — H.G. Wells 


“What matters is not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight of the dog. ”  — Coach Bear Bryant 


“When I die, I want to die like my grandfather, who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.”  — Will Rogers


“When you found out how to take it, life wasn't half bad.”  — Willa Cather 


“When you pray be careful of how you respond to what you get. I read somewhere that if you pray for rain. . . don't complain about the mud!”   — Hyacinth Mottley


“Who would enjoy a life of no runs, no hits, no errors? ”  — Hans Selye 


“Wisdom likes not chance. ”  — English Proverb 


“Wrinkles are ditches that the gods have dug for our tears. ”  — Emile Augier 


“You are not judged by the height you have risen, but from the depth you have climbed. ” — Frederick Douglass 


“You can't stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes. ”  — Winnie the Pooh 


“You fall out of your mother's womb, you crawl across open country under fire, and drop into your grave.”  — Quentin Crisp


“You'll be richer in the end than a prince, if you're a friend.”   — Edgar A. Guest 


“Young people tell you what they are doing, old people what they have done, and fools what they wish to do.  ” — French Proverb 


“You're not as young as you used to be. But you're not as old as you're going to be. ”  — Irish Saying 


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