Memable 42 steven wright quotes

steven wright quotes

steven wright quotes

1.
I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.– Steven Wright


2.
I went to a haunted house, looked under the kitchen table, and found spirit gum. — Steven Wright

 

3.
I went to a restaurant that serves breakfast at any time. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.– Stephen Wright

 

4.
I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. — Steven Wright

 

5.
I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, What for?I said, I'm going to buy some sugar. — Steven Wright


6.
I went to the eye doctor and found out I needed glasses for reading. So, I got some flip-up contact lenses.– Stephen Wright

 


7.
I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shapeof a house. I also bought some batteries, but they weren't included.– Steven Wright

 

8.
I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statuesthat are in all the other museums. — Steven Wright


9.
I went to this restaurant last night that was set-up like a big buffet in the shape of a ouigi board. You'd think about what kind of food you want and the table would move across the floor to it. – steven wright


10.
I woke up this morning and couldn't find my socks, so I called information. She said they were behind the couch. She was right.– Stephen Wright


11.
I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet? — Steven Wright


12.
I wrote a few children's books…not on purpose.– Stephen Wright

 


13.
I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new song on the radio, I think Hey, maybe I wrote that. – steven wright

 

14.
I xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra xerox machine.– Stephen Wright


15.
I xeroxed my watch. Now I can give away free watches. — Steven Wright


16.
I xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare. — Steven Wright


17.
I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. – steven wright


18.
I’m addicted to placebos. I’d give them up, but it wouldn’t make any difference. – steven wright


19.
I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.- Steven Wright

 

20.
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.— Steven Wright


21.
I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend…It's called 'They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.' – steven wright

 

22.
If a word in the dictionary were mispelled, how would we know?– Steven Wright


23.
If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go? – steven wright


24.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you. – steven wright

 

25.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? – steven wright


26.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. – steven wright


27.
If God dropped acid, would he see people? — Steven Wright


28.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?– Stephen Wright


29.
If you can wave a fan, and you can wave a club, can you wave a fan club? — Steven Wright

 

30.
If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses.– Stephen Wright

 

31.
If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?— Steven Wright


32.
If you melt dry ice in a pool and go swimming, will you get wet? – steven wright

 

33.
If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. – steven wright


34.
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back? – steven wright


35.
If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer? – steven wright


36.
If you take a oriental and turn him around so he faces west, does he become disoriented? – steven wright


37.
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?– Steven Wright

38.
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments. – steven wright


39.
If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain. – steven wright


40.
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?– Steven Wright


41.
If you write the word monkey a million times, do you start to think you're Shakespeare? — Steven Wright


42.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.– Steven Wright

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