Hottest 50 funny quotes collection of all time,50 amusing sayings and quotations

Hottest 50 funny quotes collection of all time,50 amusing sayings and quotations.

Hottest 50 funny quotes collection of all time,50 amusing sayings and quotations
1.
Coffee isn't my cup of tea. ~ Samuel Goldwyn 


2.
Communism is like prohibition, it's a good idea but it won't work. ~ Will Rogers


3.
Congratulations to American Astronaut Shannon Lucid, she now holds the American record for most time in space. Of course, the old record was held by Jerry Garcia."- Spaceballs


4.
Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion. ~ Spike Milligan


5.
Crime doesn't pay… does that mean my job is a crime? – Author Unknown


6.
Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves. ~ Brendan Behan


7.
Dancing: the vertical expression of a horizontal desire. ~ George Bernard Shaw


8.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.–Sue Murphy


9.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock. ~ Will Rogers


10.
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house. ~ Henny Youngman


11.
Don't be so humble – you are not that great.- Golda Meir


12.
Don't have a cow, man.- Bart Simpson


13.
Don't judge a book by its movie. – Author Unknown


14.
Don't keep a man guessing too long – he's sure to find the answer somewhere else. ~ Mae West


15.
Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love. ~ Woody Allen


16.
Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you. ~ Groucho Marx


17.
Don't marry a man to reform him – that's what reform schools are for. ~ Mae West


18.
Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for 75 cents


19.
Don't talk to me about Naval tradition! It's nothing but rum, sodomy and the lash. ~ Winston Churchill


20.
Don't use a big word where a diminutive word will suffice. – Author Unknown


21
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. ~Charles Schulz


22.
Don't worry. Being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep. In a giant blender. ~ Homer Simpson


23.
Donuts. Is there anything they can't do? ~ Homer Simpson


24.
Dublin University contains the cream of Ireland – rich and thick. ~ Samuel Beckett


25.
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together. ~Carl Zwanzig


26.
Eagles may soar high, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. ~ John Benfield


27.
Eat my shorts. ~ Bart Simpson


28.
Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway – Author Unknown


29.
English – Who needs that? I'm never going to England! ~ Homer Simpson


30.
Epitaph for a dead waiter – God finally caught his eye. ~ George S. Kaufman


31.
Eternity is really long, especially near the end. ~ Woody Allen


32.
Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. ~ Will Rogers


33.
Evening news: Where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. – Author Unknown


34.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work.- Robert Orben


35.
Every man is guilty of all the good he didn’t do. ~ Voltaire


36.
Every man over forty is a scoundrel. ~ George Bernard Shaw


37.
Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it. ~ Charles D. Warner


38.
Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege. – Author Unknown


39.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. ~ Will Rogers


40.
Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes. ~ Oscar Wilde


41.
First law on holes – when you're in one, stop digging. ~ Denis Healey


42.
Football is all very well a good game for rough girls, but not for delicate boys. ~ Oscar Wilde


43.
For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have. ~ Woody Allen


44.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. ~ John F. Kennedy


45.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it. ~ Groucho Marx


46.
Give a man a free hand and he'll try to put it all over you. ~ Mae West


47.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet! ~ Saint Augustine


48.
Giving up smoking is easy. I've done it hundreds of times. ~ Author Unknown


49.
Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere. ~ Mae West


50.
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. ~ Will Rogers

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *