funny motivational quotes and sayings

funny motivational quotes and sayings

funny motivational quotes and sayings
A collection of the best funny, motivational quotes from funny.

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” — Steve Martin


“A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.” — Unknown


“A good time for laughing is when you can.” — Jessamyn West


“A peacock that rests on his feathers is just another turkey.” — Dolly Parton


“Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.” — Mark Twain 


“Anyone who takes himself too seriously always runs the risk of looking ridiculous; anyone who can consistently laugh at himself does not.” — Vaclav Havel


“Do you want to know the world? Then look at it closely. Do you want to like it? Then look at it from afar.” ― Ion Luca Caragiale


“Don't mind your make-up, you'd better make your mind up.” — Frank Zappa 


“Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers


“Follow your dreams, except for the one where you're naked in church.” — Rev. David Ault


“God helps those who strut their stuff.” ― Dan Sofer


“Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.” — La Rochefoucald


“Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.” — Albert Einstein


“Hating people is like burning down your own home to get rid of a rat.” — Harry Emerson Fosdick


“Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history.” — George Bernard Shaw


“Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.” — Franklin P. Jones


“Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted.” — Martin Luther King, Jr.


“I decided to irritate him, on the premise that it couldn't make my situation any worse.” ― Jeff Somers


“I enjoy growing older and wiser and learning from my mistakes every single day.” ― Ellen DeGeneres


“I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened.” — Will Rogers


“If laughter is the best medicine, let's OD together.” ― Michael P. Clutton


“If you are afraid of being lonely, don't try to be right.” — Jules Renard


“If you let your head get too big, it'll break your neck.” — Elvis Presley


“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?” — George Carlin


“If you’re going to be thinking, you may as well think big.” — Donald Trump


“If you're going through hell, keep going.” — Winston Churchill


“I'll probably never fully become what I wanted to be when I grew up, but that's probably because I wanted to be a ninja princess.” ― Cassandra Duffy


“I'm not mean, I just give people a good reason to hate me” ― Haresh Daswani


“In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice; In practice, there is.” — Chuck Reid


“It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.” — Fred Allen


“It's a strange world of language in which skating on thin ice can get you into hot water.” — Franklin P. Jones


“It's good to shut up sometimes.” — Marcel Marceau


“It's okay to look at the past and the future. Just don't stare.” — Anonymous


“Laughter is a weapon of mass construction.” — Kat Caverly


“Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.” — Dwight Eisenhower


“Life is like the stock market. Some days you're up. Some days you're down. And some days you feel like something the bull left behind.” ― Paula Wall


“Money won't make you happy … but everybody wants to find out for themselves.” — Zig Ziglar


“More often than not, if a person is wearing a smile, there is a victim attached somewhere.” ― Donald Gorman, Paradox


“Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room. ” — Winston Churchill


“Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.” — Napoleon Bonaparte


“Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” — Mark Twain


“Never trust a man with a penis.” ― Darynda Jones


“One thing you will probably remember well is any time you forgive and forget.” — Franklin P. Jones


“Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.” — Kyle Chandler


“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” — A.A. Milne


“People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.” — Will Rogers


“Real mothers admit it is easier to fail at this job than to succeed.” ― Jodi Picoult


“Sometimes you just have to put on lip gloss and pretend to be psyched.” ― Mindy Kaling


“Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” — Ambrose Bierce


“Start off every day with a smile and get it over with.” — W. C. Fields


“Success comes in cans, failure in can'ts.” — Author Unknown


“Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.” — Earl Nightingale


“The best measure of a man's honesty isn't his income tax return. It's the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.” — Arthur C. Clarke


“The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office.” — Robert Frost


“The difference between a mountain and a molehill is your perspective.” — Al Neuharth


“The difference between an optimist and a pessimist is that an optimist thinks this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.” — Unknown Author


“The process of learning is a nonstop orgy of wonderment.” ― Lev Grossman


“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” — Will Rogers


“The sun, with all those planets revolving around it and dependent upon it, can still ripen a bunch of grapes as if it had nothing else in the universe to do.” — Galileo Galilei


“The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.” — Franklin P. Jones


“There are two ways to pass a hurdle: leaping over or plowing through… There needs to be a monster truck option.” — Jeph Jacques


“There is a dearth of mirth on the earth. ” — Bill Nelson


“Try to be like the turtle – at ease in your own shell.” — Bill Copeland


“When I hear someone sigh that life is hard, I am tempted to ask, ‘compared to what?'” — Sydney Harris


“When you battle with your conscience and lose, you win. ” — Henny Youngman


“When you have failed at being nice, you’ve actually succeeded in being mean. Success is everywhere if you know where to look for it.” ― Katina Ferguson


“When you write from your gut and let the stuff stay flawed and don't let anybody tell you to make it better, it can end up looking like nothing else.” ― Louis C.K.


“When you're out of willpower you call on stubbornness, that's the trick.” — Henri Matisse


“You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.” — Jack London


“You can't have everything. Where would you put it?” — Steven Wright 


“You might as well fall flat on your face as lean over too far backward.” — James Thurber


“You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can't possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.” — Sam Levenson

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