Funny dirty and sex quotes of all time

Funny dirty and sex quotes of all time

Funny dirty and sex quotes of all time

funny sex quotes for him,funny sex quotes and sayings


  • “A liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage and a job after.” — Gloria Steinem

 

  • “A smile is so sexy, yet so warm. When someone genuinely smiles at you, it’s the greatest feeling in the world.” — Mandy Mooresexy quotes

 

  • “A terrible thing happened to me last night again – Nothing.” — Phyllis Diller

 

  • “All women do have a different sense of sexuality, or sense of fun, or sense of like what’s sexy or cool or tough.” — Angelina Jolie

 

  • “And he took her in his arms and kissed her under the sunlit sky, and he cared not that they stood high upon the walls in the sight of many.” ― J.R.R. Tolkien

 

  • “Bisexuality doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night.” — Woody Allen

 

  • “Clever as the Devil and twice as pretty.” ― Holly Black

 

  • “Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.” ― Barbara Bush

 

  • “Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.” ― George Bernard Shaw

 

  • “Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.” ― Oscar Wilde

 

  • “For thousands of nights I dreamed of making love to you. No man on earth has ever hated sunrise as I do.” ― Lisa Kleypas

 

  • “From the moment I was six I felt sexy. And let me tell you it was hell, sheer hell, waiting to do something about it.” — Bette Davis

 

  • “Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.” ― Mae West

 

  • “Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend's house during a power failure.” — Bob Hope

 

  • “Have a heart that never hardens, and a temper that never tires, and a touch that never hurts.” — Charles Dickens

 

  • “Hey you wanna have sex and get married? Ok then…' that works every time!” — Joss Whedon

 

  • “How did sex come to be thought of as dirty in the first place? God must have been a Republican.” ― Will Durst, political satirist

 

  • “I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, "the man goes on top and the woman underneath". For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds.” — Joan Rivers

 

  • “I cant taste my lips could you do it for me” — unknown

 

  • “I couldn’t possibly have sex with someone with such a slender grasp on grammar!” ― Russell Brand

 

  • “I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair….” — Pablo Neruda

 

  • “I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.” — Woody Allen

 

  • “I have tried sex with both men and women. I found I liked it.” ― Dusty Springfield

 

  • “I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.” ― Johnny Carson

 

  • “I know nothing about sex, because I was always married.” ― Zsa Zsa Gabour

 

  • “I like someone who is a little crazy but coming from a good place. I think scars are sexy because it means you made a mistake that led to a mess.” — Angelina Jolie

 

  • “I myself never feel that I’m sexy. If people call me cute, I am happier.” — Coco Lee

 

  • “I need more sex, OK? Before I die I wanna taste everyone in the world.” ― Angelina Jolie

 

  • “I need sex for a clear complexion, but I’d rather do it for love.” ― Joan Crawford

 

  • “I remember the first time I had sex — I kept the receipt.” ― Graucho Marx

 

  • “I saw this beautiful girl the other day. She had an ass behind her that seemed to go on for days. In fact, I’m still going on about her.” ― Jarod Kintz

 

  • “I started out to be a sex fiend, but I couldn't pass the physical.” — Robert Mitchum

 

  • “I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.” ― John Waters

 

  • “I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose; they should draw the line at goats though.” — Elton John

 

  • “I want to wait to have sex until I’m married.” ― Britney Spears

 

  • “I wish I had as much in bed as I get in the newspapers.” — Linda Ronstadt

 

  • “I write about sex because often it feels like the most important thing in the world.” ― Jeanette Winterston

 

  • “I’m really exciting. I smile a lot, I win a lot, and I’m really sexy.” — Serena Williams

 

  • “If it wasn't for pickpockets and frisking at airports I'd have no sex life at all.” — Rodney Dangerfield

 

  • “If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to?” — Bette Midler

 

  • “If someone had told me years ago that sharing a sense of humour was so vital to partnerships, I could have avoided a lot of sex.” — Kate Beckinsale

 

  • “If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.” ― Frank Zappa

 

  • “If you’re going to be sexy in a photo, you’d better be thinking about sex rather than about being sexy.” — Peta Wilson

 

  • “I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women.” — Bernard Manning

 

  • “I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.” — Woody Allen

 

  • “Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?” — Mae West

 

  • “It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food.” ― Jarod Kintz

 

  • “It’s taking all my self-control not to fuck you on the hood of this car, just to show you that you’re mine, and if I want to buy you a fucking car, I’ll buy you a fucking car” Christian Grey” ― E.L. James

 

  • “It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.” — Marilyn Monroe

 

  • “It's so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom.” — Joan Rivers

 

  • “Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.” — Bill Maher

 

  • “Kissing — and I mean like, yummy, smacking kissing — is the most delicious, most beautiful and passionate thing that two people can do, bar none. Better than sex, hands down.” ― Drew Barrymore

 

  • “Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist.” — Camille Paglia

 

  • “Literature – creative literature – unconcerned with sex, is inconceivable.” ― Gertrude Stein

 

  • “Love is an ice cream sundae, with all the marvelous coverings. Sex is the cherry on top.” ― Jimmy Dean

 

  • “Maybe our generation is more about sex, but it feels like romance is dying out.” ― Orlando Bloom

 

  • “My best birth control now is to leave the lights on.” — Joan Rivers

 

  • “My first time I jacked off, I thought I’d invented it. I looked down at my sloppy handful of junk and thought, This is going to make me rich.” ― Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

 

  • “My girlfiend said to me in bed last night, "you're a pervert". I said, "that's a big word for a girl of nine".” — Emo Philips

 

  • “My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.” — Woody Allen

 

  • “My slender waist and thighs are exhausted and weak from a night of cloud dancing.” — Huang O

 

  • “My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects.” — Les Dawson

 

  • “Never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.” — Gore Vidal

 

  • “Nobody thinks of themselves as sexy, really. Some days you go, ‘Hey, I’m not going too bad today.’ But if you try and be sexy, you’ll never be sexy.”

 

  • “Now turn around and go to sleep. I’m warning you that I plan to sleep with you in my arms all night long.” ― Colleen Houck

 

  • “Oh Lord, give me chastity, but do not give it yet.” — St Augustine

 

  • “Reading computer manuals without the hardware is as frustrating as reading sex manuals without the software.” — Arthur C. Clarke

 

  • “Really, sex and laughter do go very well together, and I wondered – and I still do – which is more important.” — Hermione Gingold

 

  • “Remember, sex is like a Chinese dinner. It ain’t over ’til you both get your cookie.” ― Alec Baldwin

 

  • “Sex — the poor man's polo.” — Clifford Odets

 

  • “Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.” ― George Burns

 

  • “Sex is a bad thing because it rumples the clothes.” — Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

 

  • “Sex is a part of nature. I go along with nature.” ― Marilyn Monroe

 

  • “Sex is always about emotions. Good sex is about free emotions; bad sex is about blocked emotions.” ― Deepak Chopra

 

  • “Sex is great until you die, but it’s never as great as it was when you were a kid, when it was a mystery.” ― David Duchovny

 

  • “Sex is hardly ever just about sex.” ― Shirley MacLaine

 

  • “Sex is like money; only too much is enough.” ― John Updike, novelist

 

  • “Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy.” — Steve Martin

 

  • “Sex is the best high. It’s better than any drug. I want to die making love because it feels so good.” ― Bai Ling

 

  • “Sex is the driving force on the planet. We should embrace it, not see it as the enemy.” ― Hugh Hefner

 

  • “Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.” ― Woody Allen

 

  • “Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go it’s pretty damn good. ” — Woody Allen

 

  • “Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.” ― Robert A. Heinlein, writer

 

  • “Sex. In America an obsession. In other parts of the world a fact.” ― Marlene Dietrich

 

  • “Sex… the pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable.” — Lord Chesterfield

 

  • “Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.” — John Barrymore

 

  • “Sexual intercourse began in nineteen sixty-three (Which was rather late for me) between the end of the Chatterley ban and the Beatles' first LP.” — Philip Larkin

 

  • “Sexy is being independent, being confident and having fun.” — Mollie King

 

  • “Sometimes, reaching out and taking someone’s hand is the beginning of a journey. At other times, it is allowing another to take yours.” ― Vera Nazarian

 

  • “That night when you kissed me, I left a poem in your mouth, and you can hear some of the lines every time you breathe out.” ― Andrea Gibson

 

  • “The best and most beautiful things cannot be seen nor touched — but must be felt with the heart.” ― Helen Keller

 

  • “The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.” ― Woody Allen

 

  • “The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin.” — Honore de Balzac

 

  • “The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform.” ― Alfred Kinsey, biologist

 

  • “The raging fire which urged us on was scorching us; it would have burned us had we tried to restrain it.” — Giacomo Casanova

 

“There are three sexes — men, women, and clergymen.” — Sydney Smith

 

  • “There is an element of seduction in shoes that doesn’t exist for men. A woman can be sexy, charming, witty or shy with her shoes.” — Christian Louboutin

 

  • “There’s no religion but sex and music.” ― Sting

 

  • “This is the way I look at sex scenes: I have basically been doing them for a living for years. Trying to seduce an audience is the basis of rock ‘n roll, and if I may say so, I’m pretty good at it.” ― Jon Bon Jovi

 

  • “To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you’re impotent. She can’t wait to disprove it.” ― Cary Grant

 

  • “We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.” ― Marilyn Monroe

 

  • “We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.” ― Lily Tomlin

 

  • “We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.” ― Tom Robbins

 

  • “What's wrong with a little incest? It's both handy and cheap.” — James Agate

 

  • “When I'm good I'm very, very good but when I'm bad I'm better.” — Mae West

 

  • “When somebody gives you a sexy look, you know they’re trying. It’s terrible! But when you smile, it’s so much sexier!” — Joseph Addison

 

  • “Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.” ― Billy Crystal

 

  • “Yes I have a dirty mind and you’re on it” — unknown

 

  • “You can’t have rock and roll without drugs, you can’t have rock and roll without sex.” ― Rick James

 

  • “You can’t talk about fucking in America, people say you’re dirty. But if you talk about killing somebody, that’s cool.” ― Richard Pryor

 

  • “You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.” ― Steve Martin

 

  • “You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither!” — Drew Carey

 

  • “Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.” — Milton Berle


 

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