Funniest top 40 famous quotes compilation,best 40 funny quotes by famous authors
1.
All generalizations are bad. ~R.H. Grenier
2.
All my life I've wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought. ~Robert Brault
3.
All the things I really like are either immoral, illegal or fattening. ~ Alexander Woollcott
4.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his. ~ Oscar Wilde
5.
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure. ~ Mark Twain
6.
Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed. ~ Winston Churchill
7.
Always do right – this will gratify some and astonish the rest. ~ Mark Twain
8.
Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much. ~ Oscar Wilde
9.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.- Yogi Berra
10.
Always proof-read carefully to see if you any words out. – Author Unknown
11.
America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for a dollar and use it up in two weeks.- Barrymore.
12.
An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault. ~William Castle
13.
An orgasm a day keeps the doctor away. ~ Mae West
14.
And on the eighth day God said, "Okay, Murphy, you're in charge!" ~Author Unknown
15.
Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declared you legally insane in order to gain control of your estate. ~ Woody Allen
16.
Another such victory, and we are undone. ~ Pyrrhus
17.
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry. ~George Ade
18.
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. ~ Groucho Marx
19.
Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly. ~ Mae West
20.
As I may or may not say to the Lord on Judgment Day, "You ask a lot of questions for someone who has so much explaining to do." ~Robert Brault
21.
As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.- Dick Cavett
22.
As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree" – probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. ~ Woody Allen
23.
As to the Seven Deadly Sins, I deplore Pride, Wrath, Lust, Envy and Greed. Gluttony and Sloth I pretty much plan my day around. ~Robert Brault
24.
Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no fibs. ~ Oliver Goldsmith
25.
Avoid employing unlucky people. Throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them. ~ David Brent
26.
Bart, stop pestering Satan! ~ Marge Simpson
27.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love! ~ Homer Simpson
28.
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be in my bath and she'd come in and sink my boats. ~ Woody Allen
29.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. ~ Mark Twain
30.
Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. ~ Benjamin Franklin
31.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. ~Jack Handey
32.
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. ~ Mae West
33.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you, it is more likely to be female. ~ Desmond Morris
34.
But a lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth. ~ George Bernard Shaw
35.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. ~ Socrates
36.
Calm down. It's only ones and zeros. – Author Unknown
37.
Can we actually "know" the universe? My God, it's hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown. ~Woody Allen
38.
Children nowadays are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannise their teachers. ~ Socrates
39.
Children really brighten up a household – they never turn the lights off. ~ Ralph Bus
40.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. ~ Mark Twain
