Best 30 funny quotes collection by famous authors,Hottest funny quotes collection of all time

Best 30 funny quotes collection by famous authors,Hottest funny quotes collection of all time

funny quotes
1.
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. ~Fred Allen


2.
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted. ~Author Unknown


3.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. ~ Emo Philips


4.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. ~Attributed to Arthur McBride Bloch


5.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me and she said 'no'. ~ Woody Allen


6.
A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't. ~Author Unknown


7.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to rouse the interest, but long enough to cover the essentials. ~ Ronald Knox


8.
A great name for a new country song: If I'd Shot You Sooner, I'd Be Out of Jail by Now. ~Author Unknown


9.
A guy walked into a bar. He was treated for minor injuries. – Author Unknown


10.
A hard man is good to find. ~ Mae West


11.
A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal. ~ Oscar Wilde


12.
A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him. ~ Mae West


13.
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished. ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor


14.
A man in the house is worth two in the street. ~ Mae West


15.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels. ~ Groucho Marx


16.
A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him. ~Sir Winston Churchill


17.
A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid. ~Jack Benny


18.
A signature always reveals a man's character ? and sometimes even his name. ~Evan Esar


19.
A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it is written on. ~ Sam Goldwyn


20.
A wise man washes his hands after he pees. A wiser man doesn't pee on his hands. – Author Unknown


21.
A wise saying is something you keep picking up off the floor in front of your fridge. ~Robert Brault


22.
A woman drove me to drink, and I never even had the courtesy to thank her. ~ W.C. Fields


23.
A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke. ~ Rudyard Kipling


24.
A youth becomes a man when the marks he wants to leave on the world have nothing to do with tires. – Author Unknown


25.
Ability is what will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter. ~Author Unknown


26.
Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue. ~ David Brent


27.
Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made. ~ George Burns


28.
Ah, beer, my one weakness. My achilles heel, if you will. ~ Homer Simpson


29.
Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. ~ Homer Simpson


30.
All animals are equal but some are more equal than others. ~ George Orwell

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