Best 30 funny quotes collection by famous authors,Hottest funny quotes collection of all time

Best 30 funny quotes collection by famous authors,Hottest funny quotes collection of all time

1.
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. ~Fred Allen

2.
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted. ~Author Unknown

3.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing. ~ Emo Philips

4.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. ~Attributed to Arthur McBride Bloch

5.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me and she said 'no'. ~ Woody Allen

6.
A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't. ~Author Unknown

7.
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to rouse the interest, but long enough to cover the essentials. ~ Ronald Knox

8.
A great name for a new country song: If I'd Shot You Sooner, I'd Be Out of Jail by Now. ~Author Unknown

9.
A guy walked into a bar. He was treated for minor injuries. – Author Unknown

10.
A hard man is good to find. ~ Mae West

11.
A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal. ~ Oscar Wilde

12.
A man can be short and dumpy and getting bald but if he has fire, women will like him. ~ Mae West

13.
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished. ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

14.
A man in the house is worth two in the street. ~ Mae West

15.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels. ~ Groucho Marx

16.
A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him. ~Sir Winston Churchill

17.
A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid. ~Jack Benny

18.
A signature always reveals a man's character ? and sometimes even his name. ~Evan Esar

19.
A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it is written on. ~ Sam Goldwyn

20.
A wise man washes his hands after he pees. A wiser man doesn't pee on his hands. – Author Unknown

21.
A wise saying is something you keep picking up off the floor in front of your fridge. ~Robert Brault

22.
A woman drove me to drink, and I never even had the courtesy to thank her. ~ W.C. Fields

23.
A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke. ~ Rudyard Kipling

24.
A youth becomes a man when the marks he wants to leave on the world have nothing to do with tires. – Author Unknown

25.
Ability is what will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter. ~Author Unknown

26.
Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue. ~ David Brent

27.
Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made. ~ George Burns

28.
Ah, beer, my one weakness. My achilles heel, if you will. ~ Homer Simpson

29.
Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. ~ Homer Simpson

30.
All animals are equal but some are more equal than others. ~ George Orwell