Amazing 121 funny friendship quotes of all time
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1.
“I hate it in friends when they come too late to help.” — Euripides
2.
“I have lost friends, some by death…others by sheer inability to cross the street” ― Virginia Woolf
3.
“I have no trouble with my enemies. I can take care of my enemies all right. But my damn friends – they're the ones that keep me walking the floor nights! ” — Warren G. Harding
4.
“I lost my Christmas list and now I can’t remember who my friends are.” – Anonymous
5.
“I notice my wife when she's on the phone with her friends, man they will share every animate details of their lives with each other. See men once we become friends with another man we may never say another word to him, unless there's valuable information that needs to be exchanged. Things like "Hey Jim, your shirt's on fire."” -Jeff Foxworthy
6.
“I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once – all is discovered.' They all left town immediately.” — Mark Twain
7.
“I thought I was one of a kind,till I looked around at my friends then I realised, they are just as disturbed as I am.” – Anonymous
8.
“I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.” – Emo Philips
9.
“I’ve always said that in politics, your enemies can’t hurt you, but your friends will kill you. ” — Ann Richards
10.
“If you can survive 11 days in cramped quarters with a friend and come out laughing, your friendship is the real deal.” — Oprah Winfrey
11.
“In prosperity our friends know us; in adversity we know our friends.” ― John Churton Collins
12.
“Is the only person who never gets tired of listening to your own pointless dramas over and over again.” – Anonymous
13.
“It is good to have friends both in Heaven and Hell.” — George Herbert
14.
“It is important for our friends to believe that we are unreservedly frank with them, and important to friendship that we are not.” – Mignon McLaughlin
15.
“It is in the thirties that we want friends. In the forties we know they won't save us any more than love did. ” — F. Scott Fitzgerald
16.
“It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn’t use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like “What about lunch?”” ― A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
17.
“It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
18.
“It is the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and have her nonsense respected” ― Charles Lamb
19.
“It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter. ” — Marlene Dietrich
20.
“Laughing at our friends, we avenge the disappointment they have caused.” — Mason Cooley
21.
“Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.”― Borge, Victor
22.
“Life is an awful, ugly place to not have a best friend.” — Sarah Dessen
23.
“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” — Oprah Winfrey
24.
“Love is only chatter, friends are all that matter.” – Gelett Burgess
25.
“Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police. ” — Robert Louis Stevenson
26.
“Men kick friendship around like a football and it doesn't seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it falls to pieces. ” ― Anne Lindbergh
27.
“Money can't buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.” – Spike Milligan
28.
“Most people enjoy the inferiority of their best friends.” — Lord Chesterfield
29.
“My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me.” ― Garry Shandling
30.
“My friends, there are no friends.” -Coco Chanel
31.
“My mother used to say that there are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet. She's now in a maximum security twilight home in Australia ” ― Dame Edna Everage
32.
“My true friends have always given me that supreme proof of devotion, a spontaneous aversion for the man I loved.” — Sidonie Gabrielle Colette
33.
“My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.” – Anonymous
34.
“You’re the strangest person I ever met, she said & I said you too & we decided we’d know each other a long time.”― Brian Andreas
35.
“Never explain yourself. Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it.” ― Belgicia Howell
36.
“Never join with your friend when he abuses his horse or his wife, unless the one is about to be sold, the other to be buried. ” — Charles Caleb Colton
37.
“Never tell your friends, “I told you so” – even when you did.” — Wendy Jean Smith
38.
“Nine-tenths of the people were created so you would want to be with the other tenth.” — Horace Walpole
39.
“No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend. ” -Groucho Marx
40.
“Nothing more cheerful than talking about our friends’ shortcomings.” — Mason Cooley
41.
“One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.” – George Carlin
42.
“One measure of friendship consists not in the number of things friends can discuss, but in the number of things they need no longer mention.” — Clifton Fadiman
43.
“Show me a genuine case of platonic friendship, and I shall show you two old or homely faces. ” — Austin O'Malley
44.
“Some people look for a beautiful place, others make a place beautiful.”― Hazrat Inayat Khan
45.
“Sometimes me think, ‘What is friend?’ Then me say, ‘Friend is someone to share the last cookie with.’” — Cookie Monster
46.
“That is what friendship means. Sharing the prejudice of experience. ” — Charles Bukowski
47.
“The art of giving advice to best friends is to make them believe that they thought of it themselves. ” — Unknown
48.
“The best mirror is an old friend. ” — George Herbert
49.
“The best time to make friends is before you need them.” — Ether Barrymore
50.
“The capacity for friendship is God’s way of apologizing for our families.” — Jay McInerney
51.
“The enemy of my enemy is my friend. ” — Arabian Friendship Proverb
52.
“The holy passion of Friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.” — Mark Twain
53.
“The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends thought I didn't exist.” ― Aaron Machado
54.
“The world is round so that friendship may encircle it.” -Pierre Teilhard De Chardin
55.
“There are some things you can’t share without ending up liking each other, and knocking out a twelve-foot mountain troll is one of them.” — J.K. Rowling
56.
“Tis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and to have her nonsense respected.”― Charles Lamb
57.
“Treat your friends as you do your pictures and place them in their best light. ” — Jennie Jerome Churchill
58.
“True friends are those who, when you make a fool of yourself, don't believe that this condition is permanent.” – Erwin T. Randall
59.
“True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable.” -Dave Tyson Gentry
60.
“True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost.” ― Charles Caleb Colton
61.
“Two people are never such good friends as when they share a mutual dislike of a third person.” – Anonymous
62.
“We English are good at forgiving our enemies; it releases us from the obligation of liking our friends.” -P.D. James
63.
“We must hang together, or surely we shall hang separately. ” — Benjamin Franklin
64.
“What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, unless your friends are on twitter.” – Greg Tamblyn
65.
“When a man laughs at his troubles he loses a great many friends. They never forgive the loss of their prerogative.” — H. L. Mencken
66.
“When a woman becomes her own best friend life is easier.” — Diane Von Furstenberg
67.
“When a woman like that whom I've seen so much, All of a sudden drops out of touch; Is always busy and never can, Spare you a moment, it means a man.” — Alice Duer Miller
68.
“When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'” ― Groucho Marx
69.
“You and I are more than friends. We’re like a really small gang.” — Unknown
70.
“You can always tell a real friend: when you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job.” — Laurence J. Peter
71.
“You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.” -Harry S. Truman
72.
“A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway.” – Fr. Jerome Cummings
73.
“A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail. A best friend is the one sitting next to you saying "boy was that fun." ” — The Maugles
74.
“A friend that ain't in need is a friend indeed.” – Kin Hubbard
75.
“A friend to all is a friend to none. ” — Aristotle
76.
“A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling. ” – Arthur Brisbane
77.
“A man's friendships are, like his will, invalidated by marriage — but they are also no less invalidated by the marriage of his friends.” — Samuel Butler
78.
“A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success!” – Doug Larson
79.
“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.”- Bernard Meltzer
80.
“A true friend stabs you in the front.” ― Oscar Wilde
81.
“A wife is a friend first, a lover second, and third and probably most important, a maid.” -Jarod Kintz
82.
“An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a dead body.” – Jim Hayes
83.
“Anybody can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend's success.” – Oscar Wilde
84.
“At the shrine of friendship never say die, let the wine of friendship never run dry” ― Victor Hugo
85.
“Be awfully nice to them going up, because you're going to meet them all coming down.” — Jimmy Durante
86.
“Between friends, differences in taste or opinion are irritating in direct proportion to their triviality.” — W.H. Auden
87.
“Business, you know, may bring money, but friendship hardly ever does. ” — Jane Austen
88.
“Choose your friends carefully. Your enemies will choose you. ” — Yassir Arafat
89.
“Difference between friends and best friends: A friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will call him up and whisper, "You will die in seven days." ” – Anonymous
90.
“Everyone that you meet comes with baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack.” – Anonymous
91.
“Facebook's new relationship status option: "No longer able to interact with actual people”- Andy Borowitz
92.
“Friends and good manners will carry you where money won’t go.” — Margaret Walker
93.
“Friends are God's ways of apologizing for our families.” – Anonymous
94.
“Friends are great. Friends are wonderful. Friends who can cook are like winning the lottery.” – Greg Tamblyn
95.
“Friends are like underwear, always near you. Good friends are like condoms, always protecting you. Best friends are like viagra, lift you up when you are down.” – Anonymous
96.
“Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway.” – Greg Tamblyn
97.
“Friends are relatives you make for yourself.” – Eustache Deschamps
98.
“Friends are what God gives you to make up for your family.” – Bruce White
99.
“Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.” — Thomas Jones
100.
“Friends: people who borrow my books and set wet glasses on them.” ― Edwin Arlington Robinson
101.
“Friendship is a lot like nature. You only have as many animals as the ecosystem can support and you only have as many friends as you can tolerate the bitching of.” – Randy K. Milholland
102.
“Friendship is a pretty full-time occupation if you really are friendly with somebody. You can't have too many friends because then you're just not really friends. ” -Truman Capote
103.
“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” ― C.S. Lewis
104.
“Friendship is love minus sex and plus reason. Love is friendship plus sex minus reason” ― Mason Cooley
105.
“Friendship is telling her to wear the dress even if she looks better than you.”
106.
“Friendship is the only cement that will ever hold the world together.” – Woodrow Wilson
107.
“Friendship will not stand the strain of very much good advice for very long. ” — Robert Staughton Lynd
108.
“Friendship. A ship big enough to carry two in fair weather, but only one in foul.” — Ambrose Bierce
109.
“From wine what sudden friendship springs!” — John Gay
110.
“Give me one friend, just one, who meets the needs of all my varying moods.” – Esther M. Clark
111.
“Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.” — Mark Twain
112.
“He's the kind of man who picks his friends – to pieces. ” — Mae West
113.
“I always like to know everything about my new friends, and nothing about my old ones. ” — Oscar Wilde
114.
“I bet dying vultures have lots of awkward moments with their friends.” ― Guy Endore-Kaiser
115.
“I cannot forgive my friends for dying; I do not find these vanishing acts of theirs at all amusing. ” — Logan Pearsall Smith
116.
“I do not believe that friends are necessarily the people you like best, they are merely the people who got there first. ” — Peter Ustinov
117.
“I don’t like half the folks I love.” – Paul Thorn
118.
“I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.” – Bilbo Baggins (J. R. R. Tolkien)
119.
“I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell – you see, I have friends in both places.” – Mark Twain
120.
“I don't need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better.” – Plutarch
121.
“I got a lot of best friends. Some of them I don't even hardly know! ” — Archie Bunker
