all funny chelsea handler quotes

all funny chelsea handler quotes

chelsea handler quotes

Chelsea Handleris a comedian, actress, author, television host, writer and producer. Chelsea Joy Handler born in Livingston, New Jersey on February 25, 1975,She hosted a late-night talk show, titled Chelsea Lately, on the E! network between 2007 and 2014. 


1.
“I’m a ridiculous person. If you take anything any comedian says seriously, then you’re stupid.” — chelsea handler quotes

chelsea handler quotes



2.
“When life hands you lemons, make lemonade…with vodka.” — chelsea handler quotes

chelsea handler quotes



3.
“I dislike so many things…and people.” — chelsea handler quotes

chelsea handler quotes



4.
“Just be honest with who you are and if you don’t and end with any friends, good for you.” — chelsea handler quotes

chelsea handler quotes



5.
“When I ever am around kids, it’s always a reminder not to have them. — chelsea handler quotes

chelsea handler quotes



6.
“You should always speak your mind, and be bold, and be obnoxious, and do whatever you want and don’t let anybody tell you to stop it.” — chelsea handler quotes

chelsea handler quotes



7.
“People are always like, ‘Oh she’s such a bitch.’ I’m like, ‘Yeah, I am a bitch, actually.'” — chelsea handler quotes

chelsea handler quotes


More funny chelsea handler quotes

“Along with 97 percent of women who can see, I've never been a fan of redhead men.” — chelsea handler quotes

 

“Everyone, calm down. I met with mr. Cent about a potential project. Theres nothing to report yet, ill let you know if there is.” — chelsea handler quotes

 

“I can remember my first one-night stand like it was yesterday. Well, maybe not the first. Or the second… or the fifth. I’ll just begin with what I can remember and not concern myself with order.” — chelsea handler quotes

 

“I had to feign interest in all this nonsense until I could ask when I could come over and sit on his face. I didn't say that out loud, of course. I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no friends.” — chelsea handler quotes

 

“I like to stay at home and sit on my ass.” — chelsea handler quotes

 

“I love a stupid joke, something that doesn't make any sense.” — chelsea handler quotes

 

“I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.” — chelsea handler quotes

 

“I went out with a guy who once told me I didn't need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him I'm drinking so that you're more fun to be around.” — chelsea handler quotes

 

“I will probably have sex with Eminem after the show is over. Probably, I don’t see why I wouldn't. I'm fair game, it's not like I'm that picky, you've seen the guys I've dated. I like Swizz Beatz, just because I would like to yell out in bed, 'Swizz Beatz! Keep it coming!'” — chelsea handler quotes

 

“I’m a ridiculous person. If you take anything any comedian says seriously, then you’re stupid.” — chelsea handler quotes

 

“I'll always be doing stand-up as long as people are still interested in seeing me.” — chelsea handler quotes

 

“I'm into politics, and I love watching the heavier news magazine shows.” — chelsea handler quotes

 

“I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.” — chelsea handler quotes

 

“Men don't realize that if we're sleeping with them on the first date, we're probably not interested in seeing them again either.” — chelsea handler quotes

 

“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.” — chelsea handler quotes

 

“Our relationship finally ended when he took to waking me up in the wee hours of the morning when he would go surfing. He thought it might be fun to have me come watch. 'Fun for who?' I wanted to ask. I had never asked him to come to happy hour and watch me drink.” — chelsea handler quotes

 

“There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.” — chelsea handler quotes

 

“You just be honest about who you are, and if you don’t end up with any friends then good for you.” — chelsea handler quotes

 

“You know you're a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself.” — chelsea handler quotes

 

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