A collection of the funniest 36 love quotes and sayings

A collection of the funniest 36 love quotes and sayings 

Funny Love Quotes From Comedians Who Totally Get You

Tags: funny quotes,cute love quotes,sweet love quotes,funny love quotes and sayings,funny love poems,funny movie love quotes,funny life quotes,funny friendship quotes

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1.
“A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.”  — Milton Berle quotes ,funny love quotes

2.
“A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. ” —Ingrid Bergman quotes

3.
“A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished.”   —Zsa Zsa Gabor quotes ,funny love quotes

4.
“A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love.”  —Friedrich Nietzsche quotes ,funny love quotes

5.
“A touch of love, everyone becomes a poet.”  —Plato quotes

6.
“A wife is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single. ”  —unknown

7.
“A youth with his first cigar makes himself sick. A youth with his first girl makes everybody sick.”  —Mary Wilson quotes

8.
“All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage. ” — Lord Byron quotes

9.
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”  —Charles Schulz quotes ,funny love quotes

10.
“Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.”  —Oscar Wilde quotes

11.
“Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times. ” —Rita Rudner quotes ,funny love quotes

12.
“Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.”   —Jerry Seinfeld quotes

13.
“Do not marry a man to reform him. That is what reform schools are for.”  — Mae West quotes ,funny love quotes

14.
“Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.”  —George Burns quotes

15.
“Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.”  — Jackie Mason quotes ,funny love quotes

16.
“First love is a kind of vaccination which saves man from catching the complaint the second time.”  —Honore de Balzac quotes

17.
“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love”  —Albert Einstein quotes

18.
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close knit family in another city.” —George Burns quotes ,funny love quotes

19.
“Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.”  —Richard Jeni quotes ,funny love quotes

20.
“How absurd and delicious it is to be in love with somebody younger than yourself. Everybody should try it.”  —Barbara Pym quotes ,funny love quotes

21.
“I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was 'You'll never find anyone like me again!' I'm thinking, 'I should hope not! If I don't want you, why would I want someone like you?'”  —Anonymous

22.
“I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself.”  — Johnny Carson quotes ,funny love quotes

23.
“I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”  — Rita Rudner quotes ,funny love quotes

24.
“I love you and it’s getting worse.”  —Joseph E. Morris quotes

25.
“I love you like a fat kid loves cake.”  —Scott Adams quotes

26.
“I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?”   —Jean Illsley Clarke quotes ,funny love quotes

27.
“I never hated a man enough to give him diamonds back. ” —Zsa Zsa Gabor quotes

28.
“I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.”  — David Bissonette quotes

29.
“I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough.”   —Russell Brand quotes

30.
“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”  — Groucho Marx quotes

31.
“I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.”   —Woody Allen quotes ,funny love quotes

32.
“I went to a meeting for premature ejactulators. I left early.”  — Jack Benny quotes ,funny love quotes

33.
“I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.”  —Unknown

34.
“If a hug represented how much I loved you, I would hold you in my arms forever. ”  —Mandy Hampton quotes

35.
“If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?”  — Lily Tomlin quotes

36.
“If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people”   —Jarod Kintz quotes