A collection of best Funny Thanksgiving Quotes of all time

A collection of best Funny Thanksgiving Quotes of all time

Best funny thanksgiving quotes selected by thousands of our users!Here is our list of the funniest Thanksgiving sayings and phrases.Enjoy these funny Thanksgiving quotes with your friends and family!

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1.
"A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen." – Kin Hubbard,funny thanksgiving quotes


2.
"A new survey found that 80 percent of men claim they help cook Thanksgiving dinner. Which makes sense, when you hear they consider saying that smells good to be helping." – Jimmy Fallon


3.
"A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all the other virtues."  – Cicero


4.
"After Thanksgiving dinner men fall asleep because they’re full of turkey; women fall asleep because they’re exhausted."  – Melanie White


5.
"An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day." – Irv Kupcinet,funny thanksgiving quotes


6.
"Coexistence: what the farmer does with the turkey – until Thanksgiving."  – Mike Connolly,funny thanksgiving quotes


7.
"Every Thanksgiving I think about how much Pilgrims had to sacrifice just so we could have a day off work."  – Melanie White


8.
"Every Thanksgiving I’m thankful I decided to wait until New Years to start my diet."   – Melanie White


9.
"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land." – Jon Stewart


10.
"I love Thanksgiving turkey. It's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts." –  Arnold Schwarzenegger


11.
"I’m looking forward to seeing pie this Thanksgiving more than members of my own family."  – Damien Fahey,funny thanksgiving quotes


12.
"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice."  – Meister Eckhart


13.
"I'm looking forward to seeing pie this thanksgiving more than members of my own family.",funny thanksgiving quotes


14.
"It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak." – Phyllis Diller


15.
"Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shotgun going, Blam! Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are? " – Kenny Rogerson


16.
"Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before." – Rita Rudner


17.
"My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor." – Phyllis Diller


18.
"My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow" – Rita Rudner,funny thanksgiving quotes


19.
"Never too early to plan ahead, especially when it comes to matters of the tum.” – Dev Shah,funny thanksgiving quotes


20.
"No one diets on Thanksgiving. What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?" – Erma Bombeck


21.
"On Thanksgiving Day we acknowledge our dependence." –  William Jennings Bryan


22.
"On Thanksgiving Day, all over America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment – halftime."  – Unknown


23.
"On this Thanksgiving day, let us be grateful that we were not born turkeys." – Anonymous,funny thanksgiving quotes


24.
"Thanksgiving – when the people who are the most thankful are the ones who didn’t have to cook." – Melanie White


25.
"Thanksgiving comes to us out of the prehistoric dimness, universal to all ages and all faiths. At whatever straws we must grasp, there is always a time for gratitude and new beginnings. " – J. Robert Moskin


26.
"Thanksgiving day comes, by statute, once a year; to the honest man, it comes as frequently as the heart of gratitude will allow."  – Edward Sandford Martin


27.
"Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence."   – Erma Bombeck


28.
"I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car." – Stephen Colbert


29.
"Thanksgiving is a typically American holiday…The lavish meal is a symbol of the fact that abundant consumption is the result and reward of production." – Ayn Rand


30.
"Thanksgiving is America's national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty."  –  Michael Dresser


31.
"Thanksgiving is an emotional time. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they see only once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often."  – Johnny Carson


32.
"Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape, to play Santa Claus."  – Melanie White,funny thanksgiving quotes


33.
"You know that just before the first Thanksgiving there was one wise old Native American woman saying, Don’t feed them. If you feed them, they’ll never leave." –  Dylan Brody


34.
"Thanksgiving was never meant to be shut up in a single day." –  Robert Caspar Lintner


35.
"Thanksgiving, after all, is a word of action."  – W.J. Cameron,funny thanksgiving quotes


36.
"Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants."  – Kevin James,funny thanksgiving quotes


37.
"The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts. No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving."  –  H.U. Westermayer


38.
"The Thanksgiving tradition is, we overeat. ‘Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?’ But we do that every day Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us? " – Jim Gaffigan


39.
"The unthankful heart… discovers no mercies, but let the thankful heart sweep through the day and, as the magnet finds the iron, so it will find, in every hour, some heavenly blessings!"  – Henry Ward Beecher


40.
"There is one day that is ours. There is one day when all we Americans who are not self-made go back to the old home to eat saleratus biscuits and marvel how much nearer to the porch the old pump looks than it used to. Thanksgiving Day is the one day that is purely American." – O. Henry


41.
"This Thanksgiving I hope you're able to avoid the tragedy of the different foods on your plate touching one another."


42.
"To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch Heaven." – Johannes A. Gaertner


43.
"To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone" – Reba McEntire,funny thanksgiving quotes


44.
"We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures." – Thornton Wilder


45.
"We give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way." – Unknown,funny thanksgiving quotes


46.
"We’re having something different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we’re having a swan. You get more stuffing." – George Carlin


47.
"What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?"  – Erma Bombeck


48.
"You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out." – Jay Leno,funny thanksgiving quotes

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