A collection of best 80 Funny Love Quotes

A collection of best 80 Funny Love Quotes

Tags: funny quotes,cute love quotes,sweet love quotes,funny love quotes and sayings,funny love poems,funny movie love quotes,funny life quotes,funny friendship quotes

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1.
“If you can stay in love for more than two years, you're on something.” — Fran Lebowitz ,funny love quotes

2.
“If you love something set it free, but don’t be surprised if it comes back with herpes.”   —Chuck Palahniuk quotes

3.
“I'm now making a Jewish porno film. 10% sex, 90% guilt.”  — Henny Youngman quotes

4.
“It is easier to love humanity as a whole than to love one’s neighbor.”   —Eric Hoffer quotes

5.
“It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes.”  —Lucille Ball quotes ,funny love quotes

6.
“It's better to be looked over than overlooked.”  —Mae West quotes

7.
“I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.”  —Patrick Murray quotes

8.
“Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.”   —Lemony Snicket quotes

9.
“Love doesn’t make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.”   —Franklin P. Jones ,funny love quotes

10.
“Love doesn't drop on you unexpectedly; you have to give off signals, sort of like an amateur radio operator. ”  —Helen Gurley Brown quotes

11.
“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.”  —Joan Crawford quotes

12.
“Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it's there.”  — George Burns ,funny love quotes

13.
“Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.”  —Lynda Barry quotes ,funny love quotes

14.
“Love is being stupid together.”   —Paul Valery quotes

15.
“Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.”  — Unknown quotes

16.
“Love is hiding who you are at all times. It’s wearing make-up to bed and going downstairs to Burger King to poop.”  —30 Rock quotes

17.
“Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.”  —Jules Renard quotes ,funny love quotes

18.
“Love is like war, easy to begin but hard to end.”   —Leo Buscaglia quotes

19.
“Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.”  —W. Somerset Maugham quotes ,funny love quotes

20.
“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.”  —Natasha Leggero quotes

21.
“Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage. ” —Ambrose Bierce quotes

22.
“Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.”  — Woody Allen quotes ,funny love quotes

23.
“Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots.”   —Unknown

24.
“Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener! ”   — Unknown

25.
“Love means nothing in tennis, but it’s everything in life.”   —Author unknown

26.
“Love sucks. Sometimes it feels good. Sometimes it’s just another way to bleed.”   —Laurell K. Hamilton quotes

27.
“Love thy neighbor — and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier.”  —Mae West quotes

28.
“Love, I’ve come to understand is more than three words mumbled before bedtime.”   —Nicholas Sparks quotes ,funny love quotes

29.
“Love; A temporary insanity curable by marriage.”   —Ambrose Bierce quotes

30.
“Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.”  — Jim Backus quotes ,funny love quotes

31.
“Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.”  — Erma Bombeck quotes

32.
“Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.”  — Anonymous

33.
“Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers.”  — Richard Pryor quotes ,funny love quotes

34.
“Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.”  —Unknown

35.
“Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.”  — Phyllis Diller ,funny love quotes

36.
“Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it. ”  —Josh Billings quotes

37.
“Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.”  —George Carlin quotes ,funny love quotes

38.
“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed. ” —Albert Einstein quotes

39.
“My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.”  — Joan Rivers quotes ,funny love quotes

40.
“My brother is gay and my parents don’t care, as long as he marries a doctor.”  — Elayne Boosler ,funny love quotes

41.
“My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me.”  — Garry Shandling quotes ,funny love quotes

42.
“My wife and I were happy for 20 years – then we met. ” —Rodney Dangerfield quotes

43.
“My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.”  — Ray Romano quotes ,funny love quotes

44.
“My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.” —Jimmy Durante quotes

45.
“My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.” — Rodney Dangerfield quotes

46.
“No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.”   —Unknown

47.
“Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.”   —Charlie Brown quotes ,funny love quotes

48.
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”  — Chelsea Handler quotes

49.
“One good husband is worth two good wives; for the scarcer things are, the more they are valued.”  — Benjamin Franklin quotes

50.
“Only time can heal your broken heart, just as only time can heal his broken arms and legs.”   —Miss Piggy quotes ,funny love quotes

51.
“People should fall in love with their eyes closed.”   —Andy Warhol quotes

52.
“People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.”   —Bob Hope quotes

53.
“Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings.”  — David Sedaris quotes

54.
“The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people.”   —G.K. Chesterton quotes

55.
“The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, "What… does a woman want?" ”  —Freud quotes ,funny love quotes

56.
“The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.”   —Woody Allen quotes

57.
“The most happy marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. ” — Coleridge quotes

58.
“The only thing worse than a boy who hates you: a boy that loves you.”   —Markus Zusak quotes, The Book Thief

59.
“The only true love is love at first sight; second sight dispels it. ” —Israel Zangwill quotes

60.
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. ” —Henry Youngman quotes

61.
“The sincerest love is the love of food. ” — Bernard Shaw quotes

62.
“Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; by then it was too late.”  —Unknown

63.
“There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.”  — Chris Rock quotes ,funny love quotes

64.
“There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart. ”  —Melanie Griffith quotes

65.
“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.”  —Oscar Wilde quotes ,funny love quotes

66.
“To love someone as much as you love yourself, that is the ideal. Especially if that someone is your clone.?”   —Jarod Kintz quotes

67.
“What the world really needs is more love and less paper work.”   —Pearl Bailey quotes

68.
“Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. ” — Phyllis Diller quotes

69.
“When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.”  —Unknown

70.
“When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him”  —Unknown

71.
“When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. ” —Albert Einstein quotes

72.
“Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.”  —Oscar Wilde quotes

73.
“Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.”  — Bill Maher ,funny love quotes

74.
“Women love a self-confident bald man.”  — Larry David quotes

75.
“Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.”   —Albert Einstein quotes

76.
“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.”  — Billy Crystal ,funny love quotes

77.
“You call it madness, but I call it love.”  —Don Byas quotes

78.
“You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.”   —Hussein Nishah quotes

79.
“You can't put a price tag on love. But if you could, I'd wait for it to go on sale.” — Hussein Nishah ,funny love quotes

80.
“You could empty the trash and my love for you still wouldn’t fit inside. But just because it won’t fit, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t empty the trash. ?”  — Jarod Kintz quotes