A collection of best 80 Funny Love Quotes
Tags: funny quotes,cute love quotes,sweet love quotes,funny love quotes and sayings,funny love poems,funny movie love quotes,funny life quotes,funny friendship quotes
1.
“If you can stay in love for more than two years, you're on something.” — Fran Lebowitz ,funny love quotes
2.
“If you love something set it free, but don’t be surprised if it comes back with herpes.” —Chuck Palahniuk quotes
3.
“I'm now making a Jewish porno film. 10% sex, 90% guilt.” — Henny Youngman quotes
4.
“It is easier to love humanity as a whole than to love one’s neighbor.” —Eric Hoffer quotes
5.
“It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes.” —Lucille Ball quotes ,funny love quotes
6.
“It's better to be looked over than overlooked.” —Mae West quotes
7.
“I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.” —Patrick Murray quotes
8.
“Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess.” —Lemony Snicket quotes
9.
“Love doesn’t make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.” —Franklin P. Jones ,funny love quotes
10.
“Love doesn't drop on you unexpectedly; you have to give off signals, sort of like an amateur radio operator. ” —Helen Gurley Brown quotes
11.
“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” —Joan Crawford quotes
12.
“Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it's there.” — George Burns ,funny love quotes
13.
“Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke.” —Lynda Barry quotes ,funny love quotes
14.
“Love is being stupid together.” —Paul Valery quotes
15.
“Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.” — Unknown quotes
16.
“Love is hiding who you are at all times. It’s wearing make-up to bed and going downstairs to Burger King to poop.” —30 Rock quotes
17.
“Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.” —Jules Renard quotes ,funny love quotes
18.
“Love is like war, easy to begin but hard to end.” —Leo Buscaglia quotes
19.
“Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.” —W. Somerset Maugham quotes ,funny love quotes
20.
“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” —Natasha Leggero quotes
21.
“Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage. ” —Ambrose Bierce quotes
22.
“Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.” — Woody Allen quotes ,funny love quotes
23.
“Love is the thing that enables a woman to sing while she mops up the floor after her husband has walked across it in his barn boots.” —Unknown
24.
“Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener! ” — Unknown
25.
“Love means nothing in tennis, but it’s everything in life.” —Author unknown
26.
“Love sucks. Sometimes it feels good. Sometimes it’s just another way to bleed.” —Laurell K. Hamilton quotes
27.
“Love thy neighbor — and if he happens to be tall, debonair and devastating, it will be that much easier.” —Mae West quotes
28.
“Love, I’ve come to understand is more than three words mumbled before bedtime.” —Nicholas Sparks quotes ,funny love quotes
29.
“Love; A temporary insanity curable by marriage.” —Ambrose Bierce quotes
30.
“Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.” — Jim Backus quotes ,funny love quotes
31.
“Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.” — Erma Bombeck quotes
32.
“Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.” — Anonymous
33.
“Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers.” — Richard Pryor quotes ,funny love quotes
34.
“Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.” —Unknown
35.
“Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” — Phyllis Diller ,funny love quotes
36.
“Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it. ” —Josh Billings quotes
37.
“Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.” —George Carlin quotes ,funny love quotes
38.
“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed. ” —Albert Einstein quotes
39.
“My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.” — Joan Rivers quotes ,funny love quotes
40.
“My brother is gay and my parents don’t care, as long as he marries a doctor.” — Elayne Boosler ,funny love quotes
41.
“My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me.” — Garry Shandling quotes ,funny love quotes
42.
“My wife and I were happy for 20 years – then we met. ” —Rodney Dangerfield quotes
43.
“My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning.” — Ray Romano quotes ,funny love quotes
44.
“My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.” —Jimmy Durante quotes
45.
“My wife was afraid of the dark… then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light.” — Rodney Dangerfield quotes
46.
“No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.” —Unknown
47.
“Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.” —Charlie Brown quotes ,funny love quotes
48.
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.” — Chelsea Handler quotes
49.
“One good husband is worth two good wives; for the scarcer things are, the more they are valued.” — Benjamin Franklin quotes
50.
“Only time can heal your broken heart, just as only time can heal his broken arms and legs.” —Miss Piggy quotes ,funny love quotes
51.
“People should fall in love with their eyes closed.” —Andy Warhol quotes
52.
“People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.” —Bob Hope quotes
53.
“Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings.” — David Sedaris quotes
54.
“The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people.” —G.K. Chesterton quotes
55.
“The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, "What… does a woman want?" ” —Freud quotes ,funny love quotes
56.
“The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.” —Woody Allen quotes
57.
“The most happy marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. ” — Coleridge quotes
58.
“The only thing worse than a boy who hates you: a boy that loves you.” —Markus Zusak quotes, The Book Thief
59.
“The only true love is love at first sight; second sight dispels it. ” —Israel Zangwill quotes
60.
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. ” —Henry Youngman quotes
61.
“The sincerest love is the love of food. ” — Bernard Shaw quotes
62.
“Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; by then it was too late.” —Unknown
63.
“There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.” — Chris Rock quotes ,funny love quotes
64.
“There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart. ” —Melanie Griffith quotes
65.
“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” —Oscar Wilde quotes ,funny love quotes
66.
“To love someone as much as you love yourself, that is the ideal. Especially if that someone is your clone.?” —Jarod Kintz quotes
67.
“What the world really needs is more love and less paper work.” —Pearl Bailey quotes
68.
“Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. ” — Phyllis Diller quotes
69.
“When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.” —Unknown
70.
“When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him” —Unknown
71.
“When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. ” —Albert Einstein quotes
72.
“Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.” —Oscar Wilde quotes
73.
“Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.” — Bill Maher ,funny love quotes
74.
“Women love a self-confident bald man.” — Larry David quotes
75.
“Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” —Albert Einstein quotes
76.
“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.” — Billy Crystal ,funny love quotes
77.
“You call it madness, but I call it love.” —Don Byas quotes
78.
“You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale.” —Hussein Nishah quotes
79.
“You can't put a price tag on love. But if you could, I'd wait for it to go on sale.” — Hussein Nishah ,funny love quotes
80.
“You could empty the trash and my love for you still wouldn’t fit inside. But just because it won’t fit, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t empty the trash. ?” — Jarod Kintz quotes
